Closing & Opening Doors

Wow… It feels like months on this path when really it’s been just a couple weeks at most. I feel stronger and stronger each day. I have moments when I think I’m stronger than I really am, so I have to pace myself and take one day at a time. Before I started this journey I thought my biggest problems would come from making poor food choices or falling off the wagon. The reality is that my biggest headaches on this journey have been the relationships in my life that have changed.

I must admit at times I feel a bit cheated or fooled, I can’t quite find the words on this one. The people who I thought would be the most supportive have become the most distant or the most annoying people in my life now. When I’m at my worst these people complained and now I’m working on a better me and they still find something to complain about. I’m screwed either way!

Sad but true these people should have never been so close. I have come to the realization that these people loved me at my worst because misery enjoys company. I am simply no good to miserable people when I’m at my best.

I am thankful for God in my life as it makes my journey that much easier and comforting. Some doors are closing behind me and as I move forward new ones are opening. Of course it doesn’t make it any easier because a part of me is grieving a loss. Definitely I have some more progress to make and I’m confident that I will get it somewhat straight.

I am who I am and that’s all I have to offer is myself. Take it or leave it! I won’t any longer be that nice person who accepts less than my best. I also won’t be that person who hides behind an ugly exterior to stay protected.

So as I close the doors behind me I step into new doorways with my eyes wide open!

I’m looking forward to the new week. Peace and love to all!

Day 5 & 6

I’m to the point where I am losing track how many days I am into this new change.

I’m thinking I’m on day 6 and this change is starting to be just that…

I am no longer counting how many days I am into this new change and things are becoming more natural to me.

I have not experienced any bad cravings or hunger as I feel complete and satisfied and actually feel sometimes like I’m eating more than I can handle.

Many people keep referring to what I am doing as a diet and to me what I am doing is not a diet.  I have made a clear choice to change the way I live.  It’s pretty simple.  I am swapping out bad things for healthier options.  This is a choice and it’s my choice and it’s a healthier choice.  I wish people would not mistake this for starvation!

The truth is, I am eating more food than I was before.  I laugh a bit when people keep telling me they couldn’t do what I do because they don’t want to starve.  I’m actually trying to get use to the idea of eating more food than before.

I have come to realize people will always have something to complain about.  Before I was simply the ugly fat one and now I’m nuts because I’m living a healthier life.  Seems to me this here vent is much deserved.  lol

I got my feet on the ground and my heart on God and I pray but most importantly I give thanks each and every day.

I’m feeling amazing today.  Looking forward to what the rest of the day brings.

Day 3 – 4

So day 3 comes a little late as it was a pretty difficult day.

The difficulty was not for food, but feeling very emotional.  I was feeling very frustrated with myself and angry because I know this road to recovery is going to be long and sometimes painful.  As I’m making my way through my journey I’m realizing not only do I have to cut certain foods from my life (this is the easy part), but I must also cut certain people out of my life too.

It certainly is true that the company we keep is who we are!  I always applied this piece of truth to my professional life, but never truly applied it to my personal life.

The COLD HARD truth is that those who are the closest to us can hurt us the most!

For way too long I have been keeping the company of people who attack me and find great fun in my imperfections.  For way too long I have believed the crap these people have been feeding me.  These are the same people that each night before I rest my head on my pillow I pray for.  I pray for them to have good health and happy lives and all the things they dream for.  I will continue praying for these people and probably even more now because I realize how much they need it.  What I won’t do is continue to keep them company, but rather keep the company of those who are real.

The other Cold Hard truth is that I have the power to not be hurt by others.

For those who like to crack jokes at my imperfections or exclude me because I don’t meet their skinny picture perfect world will not be a part of my world.

So moving on to day 4..  The day is just getting started.  Still struggling emotionally, but looking forward to what else the day has to bring.

Foods are certainly becoming more flavorful and I am really getting in sync with my body.  I can read the signals my body is giving me and I can better fuel it with what it needs.

The best part of today is that I’m down 5lbs today when I stepped on the scale this morning.  I try not to stick too close to the scale because I believe it is also my enemy and I might grow frustrated if it moves too slowly, so I step on it every few days and that’s about it.

So the day started good and I’m praying it all ends good.  I have my first gathering since my journey started and funny because I don’t fear the food choices, but rather the people.  Definitely praying for the good Lord to continue to walk with me on this journey and I know it’s gonna be alright!



Day 2

The first thing that comes to mind today is simply WOW!

This morning I woke up rather early and I did not feel sluggish or tired as I usually do.

Once I got going, I really got going!

I’m feeling very proud as I decided to take the exercise outside to the trails.  What an amazing feeling!  I felt wide awake and charged.  What made today special was I not only did my walking, but I worked my way into a jog!  I did not see that coming but I felt just powerful today.

Honestly, I thought today would be the day I might have cravings, but it didn’t happen.  I was so focused on feeling good it was actually hard to remember to stay on track with the eating.

It is amazing how when we take out all the junk our bodies can tell us better when they need to eat.  I could feel how my body naturally needed fuel vs just needing sugar or carbs for a short boost.  I will admit though my body is telling me I need some rest.  I do feel sore from the jog, but I can’t wait to get back at it tomorrow.  Wonderful feeling!

I thank God for the strength he has given to me and I’m thankful.

Day 1

Well here I am on day 1 of what I call a detox. I’m attempting to restart my body. Out with the old junk and in with the new goodies! It has been a rather emotional day for me. I had planned to do my workout much earlier this morning, but unfortunately I got up in the middle of the night and couldn’t fall to sleep which then made it next to impossible to wake up.

From the start my day was messed up, but I did things much differently than I would have in the past. Rather than use the excuse that I got up too late and now I can’t get workout done, I decided to continue on with my plan only at a later time. I refuse to fall into the trap of excuses as to why I couldn’t get my workout in.

For breakfast I made my first ever healthy shake. This was definitely a big change as I normally don’t eat a breakfast. My shake consisted of blueberries, cranberries, lemon, almond butter, pumpkin seeds, chia, hemp seeds, raw nuts, avocado, coconut butter, and almond milk. All of these ingredients completely new to me and I was certainly not sure what it would taste like or if I would want to consume it.

Getting back to my exercise routine, I have to laugh a bit. I had planned to start small and work my way into a more lengthy routine. I’m sure my elliptical hates me right now. I feel a bit sad because never have I been so out of shape. I thought I was going to breeze through the exercise, but I was wrong. I started out on the elliptical and the burn was so intense I had to alternate from the machine to jogging laps in my basement. Thank goodness no one had to witness this. As I’m struggling to keep the heart rate up for 30 minutes, I was promising God that I would never become this out of shape again. The regret and anger and sad feelings wanted to release at this point.

Overall I am feeling good today. I’m adjusting and happy to get on with the rest of the day. Something tells me going to sleep tonight will be much easier, but not without a nice long bath with lavender and Epsom. For now, it’s time to mow the lawn.


Getting Started

I’m finally as ready as I will ever be to start my new way of life.

To get to this point was a lot of work.  Realizing the need for change was the first thing.  My faith has been consistent and strong and it has led me to see that each day is a gift.  Even though I struggle at times, I now know that each day I wake up is another opportunity God has given me to do better.

The body that has been given to me I realize now that it is my job to keep it healthy so it can carry me far in this life.

I have been quite busy these last few weeks doing a lot of research and preparation for this new way of life.  My research has been deep, but what I have concluded is this…

Food and lifestyle got me to this point and it is food and a better lifestyle that will get me out of it. Exercise alone won’t get me out of here and a high dollar diet alone won’t get me out of here.  What will get me out of here is my faith in God and the natural foods that he placed on this wonderful earth. 

A couple days ago I literally cleaned out the kitchen.  Many diets suggest doing this, but I never really took that seriously.  In the past I would hang on to a few items because I hated throwing away things that others could use.  This time around I put it all in the trash!

Sending things to the trash was also very much for me a farewell to the old me and a hello to the new me.

I then spent a couple days in the stores shopping and getting acquainted with the new foods in my life.  I must admit, there were some items I never heard of before.  Yes, I am laughing out loud on this one.  I actually bought ginger-root today and forgot what it was by the time I got to the check out lane.

As tomorrow grows close, I must admit I feel a bit nervous.  I literally had to write out an exact plan for the day.  I now have so much more to do in my already busy day.  I now have to include serious exercise, new foods, vitamins, tracking, journaling, and more!  Yes, I would say I am feeling a bit overwhelmed, but I am ready!  Eventually these things will no longer be something I fear, but just another part of my day.

Now is the time to pray before I sleep and when the sunlight comes start taking small steps to a better me.  Tomorrow is the beginning of the rest of my life!



New to blogging

Just wanted to give a quick reminder that this is my first blog and still getting use to the blogging system, so hang in there as I get adjusted.  I’m hoping navigation is simple and not too hard to find things.  Feel free to send me feedback.

I look forward to sharing with all of you!


Welcome to!

Join me in my journey as I take back my life and get healthy!

It’s never too late to get your life back on track and that is exactly what I am doing.

Each day I will journal my activities as well as my inner most thoughts.